At 38, you are still good looking and one would actually think you were younger than your age (unless you tell). Your body, while not in the best shape (you need to work on getting toned and there is that issue of the little pouch that has developed after giving birth to two children), is still quite shapely. Likewise, in the right dress and a pair of heels, you can walk into a room and bring all eyes to focus on you. In other words, you still got it going on.
One day you are approached by a guy. He is tall, handsome, well-built and has a great smile. Intrigued, you entertain his conversation. He seems intelligent, he is making you laugh and he has that really great smile. After a short interrogation inquiry you are pleased to find out he has a decent job and a nice car (no, you are not a gold digger, you have your own finances). Lastly, he has passed the fashion inspection, that you have been silently giving him.
He really seems interested in what you have to say, doesn’t flinch at the line, “I have children” or the fact that you are divorced, and despite having mumbled through your sentences he still seems interested and is still flashing that really great smile at you.
He asks you if he can call you and take you out some time. You are about to say yes when it finally hits you. He is grinning broadly at you (now you notice how nice his teeth are).
He seems so perfect, if it were not for that baby face.
“How old are you?”
“I’m 29. Is there something wrong?”
Uumm yeah. When you were being born I was learning how to multiply.
“I’m 38”
“Okay” He is un-phase by your announcement, “I would still like to take you out to dinner.”
Uuumm yeah. Well while you were nursing I was ordering Big Macs at McDonalds.
“Can I take you out to dinner?”
You stare at his mouth as he continues talking but, you do not hear anything he is saying because the word “Cougar” is echoing around your head. You are not only hearing the word Cougar, but all the negative assumptions that are associated with the term.
Personally, I have been approached by young men before. I have dated young men. I don’t have a problem with it or with any women who decide to do so. Ladies, this is a new age and we have come a long way. We have more options in all facades of our lives: career, life, and love. This means, we have the right to date whom we wish without the negative belief that, dating a younger man means, that we are desperate old women.
What’s a Cougar?
At 38, I am not sure if dating a man in his late 20’s makes one a cougar or a puma (the term used for women in their 30’s dating younger men, which ironically still is a cougar) either way, why must a woman be some type of pussy. . . er . . .some predatory member of the feline family.
Those labels call to mind, a cat silently stalking it’s prey, pouncing on it for the kill, hungrily devouring the meat of its prey and, then laying around lazily purring and grooming itself for the rest of day.
That description may be a little vivid but it was necessary to make the point that such labels are tasteless and inaccurate. Actually, one could argue that its down-right derogatory. Let’s think about it this way.
An older gentleman and a younger woman meet and fall in love. It is the beginning of a May-December relationship. It just sounds so romantic. Yes, there are labels that some older men are given however, barring the extreme age differences of 60 year old men and 19 year old women, it is widely more accepted in society for the man in a relationship to be older.
Woman meets younger man? She is a meat-eating predator who is desperate for love.
Who’s desperate?
Many older women have established themselves in their careers. They have money in the bank, they have their own place, and they know how to take care of themselves. Many older women know what they want and don’t want in a potential mate and when it comes to sex, we know exactly what will please us.
Who stalked who?
In most of the cases, when it comes to meeting a potential mate, the man has approached the woman. A man approaches a woman. He is polite and the conversation is going well. Why would she not accept the date? Why does she have to turn down the man because she doesn’t want those around her to label her desperate?
On-the-flip side, we as women (as stated above) know what we like. If we spy a man across the room who we find attractive, we will sashay over in our heels and say hello. That is not being desperate. That is being a woman who understands she can go after what she likes.
Love whomever makes you happy.
Never allow the fear of a label or the opinions of others to hinder your happiness. If you both are responsible adults and the relationship is healthy then allow your love to grow.
Girl!!! This was excellently written and I couldn’t agree with you more. Being a woman of a certain age myself I see nothing wrong with dating a younger man and I will. I hate that term Cougar though and don’t like being called one.
Double standard rule your life if you let them. Who cares what the world wants to call a woman who has still got it going on enough to attract someone young and successful. Men do it all the time, and theres no special name. I would date a young..mature man…. as long as my body permits!
True Queen